Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
