Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
