Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
