My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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