Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
