her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize