Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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