i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
