You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
