but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
