Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
