I can text with my tongue
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize