what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
