i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
