I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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