Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
