Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
