Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
