remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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