Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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