i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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