Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize