Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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