Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
