She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
