I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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