ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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