I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
