she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
