They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
