Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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