I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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