3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
