How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
