Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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