I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
