no, he came in my armpit
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
