if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
