I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
