My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
