I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
