just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
