omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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