I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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