She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
