I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
