onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
