Betty ford says i'm here all night
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
