Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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