he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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