If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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