i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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