he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My balls are so social today.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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