No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
