you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
