i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
