happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
