That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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