I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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