I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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