Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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