How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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