Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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