I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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