woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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