PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
