it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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