I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize