i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
