walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Let's paint friendship bongs
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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