May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
